I need to vent a little....
I have been so frustrated because lately I feel like all I have been doing with Everett is policing his actions. Either with Nolan (please don't lean on him, please don't hit him, please be gentle) or with our dog Jedi (please stop pulling on him, please don't hit him) or around the house (please don't stand up on the chair/couch, please put that down) or with his toys (it's time to clean up, please don't throw that, please don't hit with that). I have been trying to turn the "no" into "yes" by showing him something that he can do, for example: "If you want to yell and scream that is perfectly fine if you are outside. Would you like to go outside and we can scream and yell?" This works out okay some of the time, but there aren't always alternatives to things that he is not allowed to do.
When I ask him to stop it's pretty much a useless gesture. I try to explain to Everett why he shouldn't be doing whatever it is that he is doing (usually because he can get hurt) but I am not really sure that he understands. Sometimes when I ask him to do/not do something he just breaks down into crying and/or screaming and I just feel like I am playing "mean mommy" all the time. To be honest, he really does not have that many "boundaries" and can pretty much do whatever his little toddler heart desires (as long as he is not hurting himself/others or destroying property.) Since I have some serious OCD going on I have to consciously remind myself several times a day that Everett is a toddler who likes to have fun and explore the world around him and that everything can be cleaned up later.
Another reason that I have been frustrated is that Everett is ridiculously cranky all of the time. I think that this boils down to him not getting enough sleep and also probably a little of having to share mommy with his brother. Since Tyler gets up for work so early, we all go to bed together anywhere from 9- 10 pm and Everett usually wakes up by 7 am at the latest. He used to sleep until almost 9 am every morning but not any more. On average I'd say he gets around 9 hours of sleep a night sometimes more, sometimes less. This would be a fine amount of sleep if he were to be taking a nap during the day but he has given that up. Yes, you read that right- my two year old refuses to nap. I had him napping really well before Nolan arrived but once he got here that went right out the window. I know that I need to work with him again on taking naps but I am still adjusting to life with two babies and haven't gotten around to it.
Since we figured out that Everett wasn't getting enough sleep, Tyler and I have started getting into bed with around 8 pm (or earlier if possible) and "pretending" to go to sleep so that he will fall asleep by 8:30 pm. If we have things that we still need to get done we can do them after he has fallen asleep (for example: blogging, unloading the dishwasher, picking up the house, etc.) So far this seems to work out well and his mood is actually starting to improve. We are working on napping again as well.
I am so desperately hoping that this funk that he and I have been in for the past six months or so goes away soon because I want to enjoy this time and not rush through it. I want to be able to look back and smile not shudder at the memories. Have you ever felt like this? I would love to hear any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions that you might have. :)
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Friday, July 26, 2013
Mommy Thoughts (Part 1)
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Angelo still doesn't like that he has to share his world with Salvatore. Boys and jealousy is a hard road to walk. I can tell you it does get easier when they can communicate with each other and play together. Other than that I too am a mean mommy every day.
ReplyDeleteWhile I love the baby stage, I can't wait until Nolan can "hold his own" with Everett and be able to communicate together!
DeleteWe've just started having to enforce boundaries with Alex and he's not liked it. It's hard, but it's what they need. E's probably just having a tough time with the adjustment and isn't able to say it. Consistency will win out, though you may have a few extra greys to show for it. :)
ReplyDeleteLol, good thing my sister is a hair dresser- she will be able to help me with the greys! Haha!
DeleteI totally feel you! I have been having a REALLY hard time with Ella Jane since William arrived. She just wants to be "the baby" and it is really frustrating when she is almost three! I feel like the mean mommy all the time with her. I have decided that what I need to do for her and I is just admit defeat. I pretty much just let her do what she feels she needs to do as long as, like you said, she is not hurting herself of anyone else. We will see how it works but the fact of the matter is that I am tired of fighting with her and I am tired of feeling like I don't even like my own child! Of course I LOVE her all the time but some days I will admit, I don't LIKE her very much. :-( So, for now, the ball is in her court. This parenting gig is hard work and I know that we are all doing the best that we can. It sounds like you are doing excatly what you should and therefore, it will get better. Not to mention, we won't remember all the battles, at least not most of them, we WILL remember the fun times and the hugs and kisses. I keep a journal for all of my children and I am just going to make sure that I write about the struggles her and I have been having and then one day, when she has a child of her own, she will know that I know what she is going through. And all I will say is...payback. ;-)
ReplyDeleteWe are def in the same boat as each other! We should have some play dates and let the kids run their energy out together! :) I saw a quote on facebook today that said "The tantrums you throw to embarrass me now will not compare to the ones I will throw to embarrass you when you're a teenager." Haha.
DeleteSounds like he's still getting adjusted to having a little bro! I think his getting more sleep is definitely the place to start! Kristian is extra cranky when he's tired. Sometimes I get stressed out because I'm behind on housework (always), but if Kristian starts acting out I need to remember put it aside and just spend time with him, and he's usually much better. Hang in there! And I would also say he is definitely old enough to be informed of consequences before you follow through on anything. Sometimes that works for Kristian, the whole "If you do that again, [insert consequence here]."
ReplyDeleteI think he has finally realized that Nolan is here to stay!
DeleteWhen i first found out was pregnant with my second son Cayden , i felt this crazy weird emotion. i could not explain feeling sorry for Quentin (my first son who was two n half at the time ). So while i was pregnant i read some and talked to other moms who went through the same thing. When Cayden was born Quentin adjusted better than i expected , at first. Then as a couple weeks went by i noticed a change in Quentin s behavior. He began to act out some and i felt i was also correcting him or getting on him about something. I just knew there was a better way.i realized most of all the negative behavior was coming from wanting more attention and being bored.i wanted to have fun great days with the kids while my husband was working , not days i dreaded. So everyday we do something.we do art s n crafts once/twice a week, play dates, park,bike rides,cooking projects etc. It gives Quentin something to look forward to and me to . Of course we still have some rough days but for the most part we are having fun and i am enjoying every second home with my boys. I call my self a hippie mom. I am very go with the flow. And try not to let the little stuff bother me.as for the tantrums , every child has there moments. Quentin has thrown a few out in public if Casey (my husband) is with me one of us would remove him from the situation. Calmly walk back to the car and return when Quentin calmed down.there was no reason to try to reason with him We would explain to him why is behavior was not ok and that is why we had to leave. Believe or not but it worked. We have not had a melt down or tantrum in a very long time.now that he is three n half and understand s more it has gotten easyier to talk things threw with him. I dont need to yell to get my point across to him.he is a little person . IF parents would take more time to being more positive and not making everything a chore (children feel your negative fever )they could enjoy life more. my heart breaks for all the children who get punished and mistreated for there actions that are mostly a cry for attention.i wish more parents would encourage outside play etc. Quentin was the only three year old in his preschool class who could petal a bike . Well that is my mommy rant. Hope hearing different families stories helps !! :)
ReplyDeleteI def agree with the "needing more attention," I think that factors into his behavior. I have been trying to take a few minutes here and there to directly connect with just him and give him one on one time.
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